Redefining Circular Cuisine Through Empirical Dough Science™
Est. 2023 • Certified Pizza Scientists • Zero Michelin Stars (By Choice)
📊 Our Mission Statement
At Lil' Peter's pizza, we take the ancient art of pizza-making with the utmost gravity. Our team of certified dough engineers has spent countless hours in rigorous R&D to perfect the science of circular food delivery systems. We believe pizza is not merely sustenance—it's a geometrically optimized nutritional platform that deserves scholarly respect.
Every ingredient is ethically sourced from locations we're pretty sure exist. Our peer-reviewed methodology ensures each pizza achieves optimal cheese-to-crust ratios within acceptable margin of error (±47%).
0 pizzas theoretically consumed worldwide today*
*This number is completely made up and increases for dramatic effect
📋 Peer-Reviewed Menu
🌋 The Vesuvius Protocol ⚠️ EXTREME
Ghost peppers, Carolina reaper sauce, jalapeños, and our proprietary "Regret Blend" spice mix. Topped with cheese that scientists warn "probably shouldn't exist." Served with complementary milk and a prayer card.
$18.99
Side effects may include: Temporary loss of taste, existential crisis, spontaneous sweating
🧪 The Pineapple Paradox™
A controversial masterpiece. Fresh pineapple, Canadian bacon, jalapeños, AND anchovies—because we're here to start conversations, not end them. Drizzled with honey-sriracha glaze. Divides friendships since 2023.
$16.50
📌 Currently banned in 3 countries and most Discord servers
🥗 The Responsible Adult
Kale, quinoa, chickpeas, sun-dried tomatoes, and nutritional yeast on cauliflower crust. Tastes like disappointment wrapped in good intentions. Order this when your fitness-obsessed friend is watching.
$19.99
⚠️ Warning: May cause smugness and unsolicited health advice
🧀 The Cheese Singularity LEGENDARY
Seven types of cheese. Yes, seven. Mozzarella, cheddar, gouda, parmesan, blue cheese, feta, and one mystery cheese our supplier won't identify. No sauce. No vegetables. Just pure dairy hubris. Lactose intolerance has left the chat.
$22.00
🚨 Medical Disclaimer: Not responsible for dreams made entirely of cheese
🍳 The Breakfast Betrayal
Scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, hash browns, and maple syrup on garlic butter crust. Who says pizza is just for dinner? (Hint: Doctors, mostly.) Available 24/7 because we don't judge your life choices.
$15.75
🌊 The Poseidon\'s Revenge
Anchovies, sardines, capers, olives, and extra anchovies. For when you want to alienate everyone in a 50-foot radius. Comes with breath mints (you'll need them). Popular among dolphins and absolutely no one else.
$17.25
🥩 The Carnivore Conspiracy
Pepperoni, sausage, bacon, ham, meatballs, AND pulled pork. Zero vegetables were harmed (or used) in the making of this pizza. Vegetarians look away. Your cardiologist is calling.
🔄 The Pineapple Studies: Ongoing debate. Current status: Chaotic.
⏳ Room Temperature Analysis: How long CAN pizza sit out? Science demands answers. Our interns demand hazard pay.
🧊 Cold Pizza Superiority Thesis: Peer review pending since 2023. Reviewers keep eating the evidence.
⚠️ Important Scientific Disclaimers:
• Lil' Peter's pizza is not affiliated with any legitimate culinary institution
• Our "research" consists primarily of eating pizza and writing stuff down
• Nutritional information available upon request (but we can't promise accuracy)
• All pizzas prepared in an environment that contains literally everything
• We cannot guarantee your pizza will arrive in circular form
• Side effects may include happiness, mild food coma, and wanting more pizza